Video Resources

Attachment: Background Information

A simple understanding of attachment can go a long way in learning to connect with a child, spouse, or other relationship. Attachment style refers to your inner working model for understanding relationships, how to be in one, how to navigate distress and how to understand your own true self and boundaries with others. This root structure for relationships forms in the earliest years of life as trust is established but is adaptable throughout the lifespan as developmental needs change. A healthy attachment style is called a secure attachment style, and a secure attachment is the foundation for healthy development, emotional self-regulation, and healthy relationships.

ATTACHMENT: skills

There are 4 main skills that help us navigate life throughout the lifespan. First is the skill to give care or nurture to others. Second is the skill to receive care or nurture from others, especially when we are distressed. Third is the learned skill of asking or negotiating our needs appropriately. And last, and a little more complex, is understanding how to be my true self and how to let others be their true selves. We'll call this last skill autonomy, explained later.

AtTunement: background information

Attunement is the fancy word for the ability to understand your own emotions and the emotions of others. Attunement is another important foundation for developing empathy, emotional self-regulation, and healthy relationships. Science often refers to attunement as empathy, and there are many studies about the importance of empathy. People familiar with the teachings of Jesus will recognize attunement as the a key player in practicing the Golden Rule.

attunement: skills

autonomy: background information

I use the word autonomy to refer to your true self. Personality comes from the Greek word for "mask" while ego is often used to refer to the defenses of the self. Developing an accurate sense of self is vital to understanding your boundaries, others' boundaries, your gifts, others' gifts, your "space in the room" and others' "space in the room." I use a hula hoop for a visual to understand self. You are a special person and so are others. Other's need to ask permission to cross into your self space just as you need to ask permission to cross into others' self space. Many relationship fall outs come down to the question, "Can I be myself and be in relationship with you?"